The nagging feeling that will never leave my spirit.

In these days I am training myself to leaving behind the density and burden of my mind while trying to use its capacity to go through the many activities that I am moved to act on through the entirety of the days rolling in my life.

And as I am going through this new day as such, the nagging in my spirit that is now NOT new takes retreat in me one more time!

I figure out that it is about the feelings of guilt and nagging sensation that exist in the ancient human mind.

This feeling I realize will not leave just as, as Gary Zukav says, the sorrowful heart for the crying babies and hungry mothers living amidst human lives will not go away.

And changing this as he says requires the heart.

Some of my thoughts shows that I cannot rest. But now I don't want to escape from this restlessness. I want to be grateful to be alive to these feelings. I want to accept and make the choices that is possible for me.

As Zukav has shared that somehow he thought life of freedom will allow him to be beyond harsh feelings and such but it is not. So I need not will to push away the nagging spirits in me.

I desire to live through it and bringing this into this writing is one way of making peace with these feelings.

The only places that now seems to count are my choices and intentions that arise from within. Living is a choice that I have made. As I choose to continue living in this lifestyle, the only thing remains is my state of inner being.

I notice that it is in my attempt to maintain my inner state in some of these ways:

By accepting within myself conflicts that arises in me and outside myself.
By doing things with care.
By having healthy choices for food.
By allowing time to contemplate and immerse in God.
By attempting to be mindful of negative thinking and surrender it to God.
By seeing the hands of God and realize that I do nothing.
By knowing that each one is guided by the hands of the divine.