My passage from Girlhood to Womanhood

I had in the past often felt repulsive about wearing ornaments that marked the state of my marriage life.

Now I realise that it was all about the power of self-owning. I did not want to be owned by others is a significant view to look at my refusal to wear my wedding ornaments.

Sometime now, it seemed as though it was sudden turn into this new being - I wanted to celebrate. And so desired wearing the very ornaments that I had resisted wearing. Where did this come from?

The change however is that I feel as a woman, instead of a girl and feel self-owned. As I gain the courage to be my own person and not feel sold into owning my precious self by others.

I wish to share this message: Claim yourself and own yourself by your strong relationship to God.

Suffering

Jesus had no personal pain mentions Sri Bhagavan. I have come to udnerstand that suffering is a state which when deeply experienced connects one to the Truth of Beingness within oneself. And it is when I enabled to master my senses and engage in dissolving all that was painful within me, have I come to understand that I have only now embarked on the path of love or spiritual growth.

I now have come to understand that all the pain that looks like reaches me are coming through my own thinking as well sa those that I feel that are not so, but instead touching my from the outside of myself - that is other people and places.

Now I desperately wished to shut myself from the pain that were "not from within me". It only makes my my heart feel like a stone which is contrasting to experiencing that love is the "flowering of one's heart".

Surprisingly there is a sense of safety, comfort and fulfillment by allowing the pains of the external world. It feels like the heaviness lifts off more easily after the pain has come to you and you see to have let it reach you and show compassion for it (to let it dissolve and flow it through).

Now finally, have I been shown what living truly is.

God, become Stronger than all of the fears in me

I unearthed the dynamic of my fears greater than the need to live in the power of my soul. So I pray to God often, 'God make my soul stronger than my fears', 'I have no power myself to come back to my soul; so take my life God and become stronger than all of my fears'.

The power of the soul is nothing but a bringer of Joy and Love. I was scared of the power, love and compassion of my soul when I wanted to relate to especially my intimate relatives. I wanted my real self invisible, my fears greater - fears such as of feeling victimized or bullied.

And I discovered - which came through my seeking for a healing for myself through energy work - the power of one soulful friendship, even for just a while is marvelous to move through the light and power of the soul rather than through the illusions of fear.

God, please take us home.

This morning is a Saturday - a walk to a fast food place to buy our weekly special breakfast. I try my best to stay present, to be instead of feeling rushed through the moments as I do through the day. I notice the sun is warm and put my child's stroller in the gentleness of the morning's sun as much as possible.

Inside the food service place I see the family whom I am familiar - there for the breakfast too. The cooks and those who serve are very familiar to me - not just because I am used to this place but because I have become a family person myself, I could realte to their being a mother, wife and family people. And surprisingly I wonder in the moment, 'and all of us are here from our homes and in this place'.

I spiral up in my views: all of us are so removed from Homes these days. So now I share my prayer, which becomes, 'God, take us all closer to our homes.' 'We are so removed from our homes and we are not feeling good or happy. Send us closer and closer to our homes' (whatever home may mean to each one of us.)

Love