'Perhaps I am enough' - A personal act of surrender through pain.

I have shown my impatience and tiredness on my child. I witnessed what a really tired self in me, an exhausted and helpless self in me will do. I do not have the energy, to get back to myself, to not judge myself or my husband and children, to not own my mistakes, to not bear my humiliations, to do the phyiscal house work. I get tired in to the failures of my past, my forgetfulness and judgments of my past life.

Today up every habit that I had strived to build into my everyday life. I do not want to live the life that I had wanted to live and that I tought I am meant to live.

Yes this is sad. Yes this state affects my little children for whom I want only happiness. But for some reason nothing of my shortcomings seems to matter. Everything, including my children, are going to be ok, even if I perish. EVerything is going to be ok, however wicked and tired I become. Everything is ok.

Today I want to do nothing, achieve nothing. I just want to move my best through the routine of the day. Perhaps this is enough. Perhaps I am enough. Perhaps everything else is taken care of.

"Let go off the steering wheel": Gary Zukav.
"Let go off the live that you want to live, to live the life that is waiting for you".
"The only thing there is love. There is nothing but love".